And your host for today is……..

You never know who is in charge of a garage sale until you stumble up their driveway. I’ve taken the liberty to list some kinds of individuals you might meet hawking their wares on a Saturday morning…..

1. The Tour Guide– This person gives you a mandatory history on every item you pick up. From the antique Nippon piece to the rusty curling iron, you’ll leave with more knowledge than you had before….unfortunately none of it useful.

2. The Jokester-You don’t even have to see their “Big Bathroom Book of Jokes” or the framed cross stitch of the big bottom lady….this person has got a 5 minute routine that they’ve been working on for days. A rock compared to most comedians, they won’t flinch over nervous laughter, rolling eyes, or people getting into their cars.

3. The  Mind Controller -As they sit in their folding chair, you can feel their eyes burning a hole in the back of your head as you glance over their card tables of old Avon and used kid’s coloring books.  Their amazing psychic powers can force you to say whacked-out things like “Oh that’s cute…I didn’t know the M&M’s company made nightlights” or “Wow…looks like someone around here loves T.V guide!”.

4.The Pro– Banana boxes under the tables. Dirty Rubbermaid bins in the yard. This person knows how to do a sale. And they should. They’ve had garage sales at their house for over 20 years….straight.

5. The Namedropper– Pillows? Oh those are Fiddyfadandfumble…those are wonderful…I have to get 30 dollars for those. Frames? That’s Geoffery Beanhead…gorgeous stuff…20 dollars a piece….firm. Huh? What’s that? You stepped in dog poop in my yard? Oh don’t worry…he eats Cutey-Cute Canine. Fabulous food, just fabulous.

6.The Zombie-Walks from table to table with a mug of  cold coffee in one hand and a half smoked cigarette dangling between their lips. Best to not ask for prices, discounts, or if they are even going to bring any stuff out.

7. The Drill Sargeant-Ordering kids, spouses, and neighbors around like mini boot camp, this person is taking this garage sale seriously. SERIOUSLY! Their motto: If you can’t  fold the clothes, display the stuffed animals, or give the voltage on the VCR…THEN GET YOUR FANNY PACKED SELF OUT OF THE WAY!!!

8. The Shed Gnome– Crawling out every three months or so, the shed gnome places a bushel of tools, 4-6 broken weedwhackers, and 5 hubcaps out on their territorial tarp. When sunset hits, the the shed gnome gathers up their items and goes back to their dwelling….to reappear in three more months.

9. The Ray of Stepford Sunshine-This person has been up since 4:00 am, has gulped 3 mugs of coffee, and says things like  “Gorgeous day…are you looking for something special?” , “Oh my, we need to make you kiddos some more cookies to sell”, or “I think my wires are smoking”.

10. The Riddler– You ask: “How much?” …They ask: “How much do you want to give?”. You ask: “Does this work?” They ask: “What is this?”. You ask: “Is this a used toilet brush??”….They ask: “Why are you  leaving?”.

It’s a grab bag out there folks….good luck.

And remember to come back on  Friday for “Flippin’ Friday!”. This week, one lucky commenter will WIN a custom felted doll (you decide what she makes) from Sarah’s Plain and Small Creations.  Whoo-hoo!

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4 Responses to And your host for today is……..

  1. Cathy says:

    This made me laugh, but sadly, I think I would be a Tour Guide.

    How do you spot the house of a Shed Gnome? My husband LOVES broken weedwhackers.

  2. Kathleen says:

    Gotta say that last Saturday I was the Stepford Sunshine. Yep, that was me down to a T.

  3. Janelle says:

    That was hilarious! I seem to run into Jokesters and Mind Controllers the most often.

  4. latenightcoffee says:

    My husband said I’m the drill sargeant. Aaaaannnnd……I think he’s right.

    I guess garage sales bring out a certain side of us….that’s why I’d rather shop at them, than have them.

    Thanks for your comments! Glad I’m not alone.

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